Book Review and Summary: My Child Won't Eat by Carlos Gonzales

Dr. Carlos Gonzales is my hero !

I was driven to the edge of my patience and parenting skills, the whole of last year. Finally in depression and desperation I typed in the words "My Child Won't Eat" onto my Google search and Voila !!  I should have also clicked on "I Feel Lucky" (although I clearly wasn't feeling it) because the first result was this genius book by the exact same name "My Child Wont Eat" by Dr. Carlos Gonzales. 

Words cannot explain the depth of gratitude I feel towards this book and it's author for showing me the mirror. It did not tell me anything I didn't already know, but becoming a parent makes us lose our minds and all cognitive skills attached to it. Our baby is "different". If they didn't fall so frequently we would probably have doubts about gravitational law applicable to them.

Here are a few paraphrased excerpts from the book that made most impact on me. I have categorised them to help understand the context better

In their shoes:

1. "Bad Eaters" are the ones who eat differently from what the family is expecting from them. The purpose of the book is for the reader to lower his/her expectations and align them more with reality.

2. It is awful to be afraid of mealtimes. You are stressed and anxious, your child is stressed and afraid. For you there's always an escape. Your phone, TV, friends, family. But for your child - you are his/her universe. And when the only most secure dependable person becomes crazy with a spoon and a fork, their whole universe gets warped.

3. They have NO idea if they've eaten less than the book said or gained less weight than the chart indicates. They don't know how long the battle will last. In their mind it lasts forever! She just ate whatever she could and now she can't eat any more! And no one is able to understand that.

The idea of not forcing a child to eat is the central thesis of this book. When you stop forcing food, your child will eat the same amount, but without the anguish and fights.

Cause and Action:

1. An organism eats to - stay alive; to grow or gain weight; to move, work and play.
The amount of food an organism needs, apart form what is needed for movement and growth, depends basically on its size.  Children do not grow because of what they eat; they eat because they are growing. Its impossible to make a 2 yo grow as fast as a 6 mo or a 15 yo, no matter how much food you give them.

2. A German Shepard will eat more than a mini poodle. Do you truly believe that if you feed your mini poodle more, you'll end up with a German Shepard? Individual adult size depends more on genes and only a small part on nutrition. Tall parents tend to have tall children.

3. Its okay if they don't like the veggies - Milk counts. Milk is not water !!
Small Children have small stomachs. They need concentrated foods. High in calories but low in volume. Mother's milk contains 70Kcal/3.5Oz on average, , Cooked rice has 126Kcal, Cooked chickpeas 150 Kcal, Chicken 186Kcal, Banana 90Kcal, while Cooked spinach 20Kcal, Cooked carrots 27Kcal, Apples 52 Kcal, Green Beans 15 Kcal.

4. Barely on the chart!! -
Even if your child is below the last line on the WHO chart - below 3%ile does not mean your baby is sick. It just means that 3 % of world's children will be under this line. It does not mean anything other than - "Look out for this child, although she's probably healthy, she may also be sick". So, how is doctor supposed to know which on is sick and which one is healthy? Well, that's why they went to medical school didn't they?
Stop freaking about the chart. They keep changing that every year again and again because obviously all backgrounds of all children affect a lot in how healthy they are. Find the latest one here: http://www.who.int/childgrowth/en/

5. Listen to them -
When being fed what/when they don't want to eat. The child is left with a few desperate options - Close the mouth and turn the head. She is communicating. Louder than if she could speak- she does not want to eat. If you still persist- she would open the mouth but will not swallow. And if it all gets too much- they throw up. Imagine someone coming to you with your hands bound with something on the spoon for you to eat. Its not a very pleasant imagination.

6. They know -
A child is not influenced by body images or a diet chart or anything that tells anything other than what he/she really wants to eat. They know in real terms when they are full and when they are hungry and what food they really want to eat. Even when they are exclusively breastfeeding - they dictate on their own terms if they want skim milk or full fat or toned :). So, when you are sick of exclusively feeding at 6 mo and you feel like a vending machine - Well you are !! :)

Tips and Tricks: 

1. Please try to avoid - begging, false/true promises, distractions/tricking, threats, bribes, comparisons, appetite stimulants to feed your kids. Respect your children's freedom and independence. The correct attitude is "Darling, you're not hungry? Okay, then brush your teeth and go and play".

2. Breastfeed on demand without conflict. Bottle feed on demand without conflict.

3. Introduce solid food after six months. But start solids properly only when the child starts accepting solids with ease. There is no hurry, no race.

4. When cooking for babies, drain well, to avoid filling baby up with water.

5. Give gluten containing foods with caution.

and more..

There are abundant examples of parents( mostly mothers) who have a problem with the food habits of their children, and you will find yourself nodding emphatically to at least a few of them- "Mine too!". The author picks each case and explains his views on them. It is exactly how you want your doctor's sessions to go along with the responses. It's brilliant. At the end of the book is an FAQ that will answer ANY question you will ever have.


This book made my life 100% easier and as a result, my daughter's too! Our relationship and our relationship with food has taken a U Turn for the better!
It is a matter of practice of keeping that Momzilla inside you in-control and treating your child like a normal human being who knows what they are talking ( or goo-goo-gaa-gaa-ing) about.


Reference Articles:
http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/may/28/carlos-gonzalez-doctor-parents-break-rules